i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
