even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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