Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
