shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
