it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
