So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
