What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize