3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
