Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
