he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
