yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
