So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
