Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
