I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
