I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
