I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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