I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
