It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
