Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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