It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
