I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
