six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
