I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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