my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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