just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize