I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
