3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
