I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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