it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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