Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
