Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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