words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
