I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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