You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
