At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
