I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
