It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
