Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
