This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
