He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
