I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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