I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the condom got lost in my hair
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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