Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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