It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
