I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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