I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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