Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
