I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
