sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
