So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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