i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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