just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
