I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
