love makes seman taste better
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
