look no pants
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hippo gnu deer
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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