I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
