Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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