Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is Oprah even human
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
