There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
