all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
