this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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