she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
