just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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