first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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