I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize