Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize