just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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