So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
