not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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