How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
