If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
last night I used snow as a chaser
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
