Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
