So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
