I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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