is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I didn't shave. On purpose
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
