No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
